Wednesday recap/Thoughts

Max finished his school work earlier than usual yesterday. He asked if he could do today's work but changed his mind when he found out how much work he would have to do. Fine. No problem. He went skipping back to his room because he was so happy to be done.

He came scampering out and asked with excitement to ask if he could play with the other kids. I told him he could. A short while later Megan, our 15 year old, told me that Max was crying and wouldn't stop. (making loud wailing noises and it was annoying them). When I asked Max why he was crying he said it was because he'd asked if he could play with the other kids and they each answered "no."

This is where I thought about God's Divine Providence and of course, natural and logical consequences. For the past almost two years, Max has committed a litany of sins against his brothers and sisters. I told Max I would not make them play with him TODAY. I explained to Max that I understood he had hurt feelings because of this but gently reminded him of all the hurt feelings he's caused, reminding him again of the Golden Rule, etc. I also explained that it takes time to rebuild trust and to let wounds heal before forgiveness can begin. Max learned a painful lesson today. After some time had past, I asked Max to write in his journal. After I read it I was thankful that Max didn't just focus on the negative; that he found some good in the situation too. I'm praying this is a lesson that sticks.

Kaila had spiritual direction in the afternoon. While she was meeting with Fr. Dan I spent time in Adoration. While there I read more from Abandonment to Divine Providence. Here are some nuggets:

"The present moment holds infinite riches beyond your wildest dreams but you will only enjoy them to the extent of your faith and love."

"Is not a picture painted on a canvas by the application of one stroke of the brush at a time? Similarly the cruel chisel desroys a stone with each cut. But what the stone suffers by repeated blows is no less than the shape the mason is making it. And should a poor stone be asked 'What is happening to you?', it might reply 'Don't ask me. All I know is that for my part there is nothing for me to know or do, only to remain steady under the hand of my master and to love him and suffer him to work out my destiny. It is for him to know how to achieve this. I know neither what he is doing nor why, I only know that he is doing what is best and most perfect, and I suffer each cut of the chisel as thought it were the best thing for me, even though, to tell the truth each one is my idea of ruin, destruction and defacement. But, ignoring all this, I rest contented with the present moment. Thinking only of my duty to it, I submit tot he work of this skillful master without caring to know what it is."

This passage in particular really spoke to me. How many times has God used painful situations, sometimes even physically painful, to bring about a change for the good in us? A time in our lives when this was true was when Matthew was born and we brought him home (this was a tremendously stressful time--the birth mom changed her mind 5 minutes before we got to the hospital only to change her mind again 2 days later), the terrorist attacks of 9/11 occurred, my husband reenlisted a week later, my father in law died suddenly and my mother in law died a little less than six months later. During this time Matthew's adoption was contested after he'd been with us for five months and we didn't know for more than four months if he would remain with us. On occasion the ache of change and transformation was palpable. So much all at once.....the previous passage vividly describes what I felt-- the sculpture's chisel. Not the potter's hands as if I was gently being reshaped......

I had always said that I could NEVER handle that--a birth mom changing her mind. And what situation did God allow to occur? He did find a way to bring good from it......we found allies in church members we never knew we had, friends provided emotional support and just let us vent, our caseworker was a rock of support for us and most importantly, God, who gave us the grace, perseverance and strength to endure it all.